Learning will never stop being hard

At least not learning something new.

No, this article is not about games, but the site is quiet and I have a lot on my mind, so writing helps.

Learning will always be hard – especially at the “first step”. By the way, what a damn vague expression, “first step”. “First steps” doesn’t help much either because it’s tremendously vague. It doesn’t help to define mentally a moment when learning stops being hard. Which brings me to the learning dilemma that has had me in stunlock for a good few months: having several options to start learning from is awful, even with everyone around you saying that starting anywhere already helps.

A year ago, before I had the experience I have in what I do now, my excuse was that my typing speed was not as fast as I wanted it to be.

Well, now it is.

Before, I didn’t have the money for the courses I wanted to take. Now I do.

But even so, even knowing that I’m trying to cook up one more excuse to hold myself back, the fact that I’m plotting something against myself apparently already takes up enough of my time and is enough to keep me in progress paralysis.

I look at where I am today and if I just carried on the way things are today, I could live with it.

But the problem is knowing that I can go further. The fact that I’m here, bothering myself while writing this, is personal proof that at least the part of me that hasn’t given up on progress wants to convince the other part to get its butt off the chair (metaphorically, because my studying will still be sitting in front of the computer). Maybe it’s a consequence of being a father, of wanting the best future for my kids and blah blah blah. Maybe it was the experience abroad that made me see the little bubble of madness and lack of reward for effort that Brazil is.

At the same time that I want to get in the way of my lazy side, that side has the advantage of not needing to argue. It just needs to watch the next episode of whatever instead of what could have been the first two hours invested in studying.

Studying will always be hard because the first step repeats every day. You even get used to it, but everything that can take up that time of yours remains as attractive as it was on day one.

It may be that what you do seems unattainable to others, but if it seems that way it’s because it’s already something that doesn’t demand much mental effort from you anymore. It stopped being “studying” and became “practicing”.

Maybe the secret is there. Run and drag yourself as hard as possible to reach a functional level and then evolve “naturally” while you’re practicing.

– Play Sojiro’s diner music, DJ

I got royally screwed in life. Of course, “resisting” was no merit of mine, because since I didn’t know anything better, getting screwed was normal to me.

I have picked trash off the street to buy something to eat. I went out at dawn to keep the pride of nobody seeing me pick trash with my brother.

My addiction to games was totally by chance. I got a Master System from my dad as a birthday present after getting straight 10s the whole previous year. His last present before he left, by the way.

That became a pattern: get 10s and live to play. A poor person who wants something that costs a fucking fortune basically has to dedicate their life to it.

I look back at how much has happened to me and how much better life is today, and honestly it’s damn hard to convince myself that, first, I have the skill to climb higher. Second, and much harder, to think that I deserve more than I have today. I’ve already climbed a hell of a lot. It’s rough to accept the idea that with more skill I’ll get further than was possible before.

When I start thinking about this I think of a trail up a mountain. Not a steep climb with tremendous chances of falling straight to death, but a trail. There are only two peculiarities about this trail:

• The climb never ends;

• And the voice of the people in the valley always reaches whoever is climbing, no matter the height.

At this point I got stuck wondering why I was stuck wondering.

Maybe this article is the answer to what can motivate me and give me a sense of progress. Keeping a report for our silent readers about a routine that almost certainly doesn’t interest them. If tomorrow you hear nothing more from me, know that I failed.

By the way, since I apparently decided to make a series of this, I’d better make something clear: failing is part of it. but A HELL OF A LOT. Since it’s not a cake recipe and what works for you may not work for me, everyone has to find their own methods to beat their vices.

Without the slightest shadow of a doubt I have failed at least 10 times more at everything I tried than the things that worked out for me in life. And I’m far from being a role model for anything. I’m rude, brutish, anti-social and I believe honesty is saying the first shit that comes to mind. Maybe a little more social skills would have taken me further today, but maybe I’d also take sabotage disguised as advice seriously and drop anchor, so I’ll just keep what continues to work and make a few adjustments along the way.

Well, my personal challenge is out there, with no judge except my own conscience. Until next time (or not).